something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
