He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
