is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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