Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
