Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
