I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
