Already got asked if we're dating
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
