I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
