walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You are a genius and a whore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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