I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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