you would pick up someone in the library
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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