I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
