Can Purell be used as lube?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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