Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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