please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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