Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
