connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
