it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
