We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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