When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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