Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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