My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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