Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
