Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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