I can text with my tongue
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
