if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize