Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
