I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
