Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
