So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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