Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
