somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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