I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
