I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if only i could text you this smell
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
