i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
