so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Come see our sink grown plant.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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