before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
