Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
