He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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