"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
