i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We left the knife in your bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
