remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
