It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
