i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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