i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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