i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
