So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
