Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
