dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
