I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
