a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
