you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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