Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
