New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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