My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
