I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize