Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think people are normalizing furries
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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