I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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