I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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