I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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