WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
