he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
