The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
