Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform