I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
