Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
