But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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