P.S. I can't hear my feet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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