well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
