Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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