i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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