So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
