3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
3pm strippers are depressing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
