you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
