thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
