chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
