Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Non-Jews are for practice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
