Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
