I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
