the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
